National Mental Health Screening and Awareness Month: Depression and Motherhood
Published by Mile High Mamas
When it comes to depression, there truly is no one-size-fits-all. It varies significantly depending on factors such as age, gender, emotional insight, medical co-morbidities, support systems, coping skills, and environmental factors (to name a few). All of these pieces play into how depression might show up and how it needs to be treated.
Even within a single group, in this case moms, depression often manifests in significantly different ways depending on the specific stage or circumstances of motherhood. Consider the contrast between postpartum moms, stay-at-home moms to young kids, working moms, single moms, moms of teens, empty nesters, and aging mothers of adult children. Each subgroup navigates unique emotional terrain, and depression reflects that complexity.
Postpartum Moms: The Intersection of Chemistry and Hormones
For moms in the postpartum phase, depression often takes on a shape that is both chemically and hormonally influenced. It’s not just sadness—it can be a deep fog of detachment, intense anxiety, and/or alarming intrusive thoughts.
Tina, a mom of a newborn, shares her experience, “It was scary! I thought something was wrong with me.” She recalls visualizing accidental harm coming to her baby, which deeply frightened her. Having struggled with anxiety and depression prior to motherhood, Tina was eventually diagnosed with Postpartum OCD — a condition that is more common than people realize.
In postpartum depression, it’s not unusual for moms to feel unable or unmotivated to care for themselves or their new babe. Tears, exhaustion, and personal neglect (like not showering or eating) can add to the mix. The situation can be exacerbated by lack of sleep, extra family in town or a lack of support, nursing attempts, and occasionally inconsolable newborns, and the general sense of unpreparedness that comes with being a brand new parent.
Stay-at-Home Moms of Young Kids: Blurred Lines Between Normal and Concerning
Stay-at-home moms of preschool or elementary-aged children acclimate to daily chaos. Showering every other day, skipping makeup, and prioritizing playgrounds over hair appointments is 100% accepted and normal.
Still, for some, these day-to-day choices become warning signs. Sarah, a stay-at-home mom, explains, “I know I’m moving toward depression when I’m not keeping up with my own self-care. I stop making appointments for myself — like going to get my hair cut or going to the dentist.”
What might look like “normal mom life” from the outside can be a quiet signal of emotional depletion.
Moms of Teens and Beyond: Identity Shifts and Emotional Undercurrents
Depression also has a tendency to subtly emerge for moms as their children become more independent. Whether kids are heading to high school, college, or moving out, the shifting roles and empty spaces left behind can bring a deep sense of loss or confusion.
The “in-between” season where you’re still a mom but not needed in the same daily ways (or even rejected) can lead to feelings of sadness, aimlessness, abandonment and/or anxiety. Considering this along with the hormonal changes of midlife, and it’s easy to understand why this phase can feel so emotionally turbulent.
So How Do You Know If You’re Dealing with Depression?
Standard depression screening tools are helpful—but they don’t always capture the nuanced emotional experiences of moms at different stages. It may be more insightful to reflect on these personal check-in questions:
Is your mood generally stable and reflective of your usual self?
Despite challenges, does your daily life feel more fulfilling than not? How can you tell?
Have you noticed any shifts in your behavior or mood? Are those changes helping or hurting your well-being?
Do you wish things were different but struggle to take action toward those changes?
Is your personal care—things like hygiene and appointments—consistent with your usual standards, or is motivation becoming a barrier?
Do you have sources of purpose and connection outside of your family (work, friendships, community involvement)?
The Bottom Line
Becoming a mom doesn’t make any of us immune to depression. In fact, being a mom whose job description seems intensely focused on the needs and wellbeing of others, almost makes it more difficult to tune into and address one’s own mood fluctuations and emotional needs. Whether you’re swaddling your newborn, keeping it cool around moody teens, or adjusting to an empty nest, your mental health deserves attention and care.
Recognizing that depression can show up differently for every mom is the first step toward practicing self-compassion. If you answered “no” to several of the questions above or have noticed changes that worry you, it might be time to reach out for support. Taking that step not only helps you—it also sets a powerful example for others, especially your children.
